[Penguins and Dodos]

Alex and I flirt more and more these days, and the more it hurts, but the happier I get. I love having this feeling. I blush when I talk about him to Ashley, or to anyone for that matter. No matter what I do, he's in my head, and I want him there. He teases me now, but its cute. I never thought the day would come when I'd call a guy cute, but like Ricky, to me Alex is cute. He's a little kid at heart, and it's so easy to see when he's behind his set, or if you know how to talk to him to act like it, which, I'm pretty damn good at. I can't wait till next sunday. I'm going to get soup with just Alex and Adam. Just the three of us. Afterwards, we're going back to the studio and just jamming all day. I'm so stoked. Yes, I just used the word stoked. Alex makes me happier than I've been in a long time, happier than I ever have been with ryan. It's crazy, and it scares the living daylights out of me, but it's true. Alex makes any bad feeling melt away into nonexistence. Part of me wishes he would just talk to me about how he feels, so everything would be in the open, but the other part of me wishes we could just stay this way forever. I guess I'm afraid that once the chase is over, it won't be as fun, that I'll lose interest. Not too unreasonable. I know the time is growing closer though. I know this won't last forever, and the more I talk to him, the closer he gets to telling me.