[Returning]

I haven't really posted in a long while. Back in the fall, things got really good for me. I was the happiest I'd been in 3 years so I didn't need to post as much. I didn't need my main outlet. I had started a band, and it was going amazingly well. I knew it was too good to be true, and soon enough, it all came crashing down. The past few months had gotten really hard. I kept writing more music, cranking out song after song. That was my new outlet, and for a while, it worked. But lately, songs aren't working well enough. I need just straight words. I can't think about what I'm doing. Thinking is what's gotten me into this mess. I screwed things up with Ryan by being jealous of him and Ashley. I expected things to get better, but they haven't. They never will. I'm pretty sure he hates me now, which is what my last post was about. But you know what? I'm over it. I've been dating Alex for 3 months now, and it couldn't be better. A few weeks ago, I quit the band, Alex followed me, as did my guitarist, Zac, thus making it look like I kicked Ashley and

Amanda out to all of our friends, so now they all hate me. It's funny really. How many groups of friends can one person go through in one life time? I feel as though I'll be the one to find out. Over all, I'm ok right now. Alex, Zac and I still get together to play every weekend, and we're still writing. Mom just started moving out this past weekend, but it doesn't totally seem real yet. It's just like she's always at work. When I start sleeping at her new house, it will start to sink in.

Despite my absence for the past few months, I have still been writing thoughts down in various notebooks at school, so I'm gonna post those as well, just to keep it all in one place. Life has been busy, and with school coming to a close in about 2 weeks, it's about to get busier between work, pit band, band rehearsals, and trying to have a life. I'll survive though. It'll be fun. Plus senior year starts in the fall. Something to look forward to.