Thoughts

Lately I keep asking myself why. It's not an answer I'll ever get, I know. And I'm sure it's an answer I would never want to know, but its a question I keep asking myself. Why? Why this? Why her? Why now? Why? I know I can do better, and I will. I know it's fine, because I am. I'm still happy with my life. I know I need to be on my own for a while. I'm changing. I'm going through a beautiful part of my life right now. It's something he could never have done with me. But after four years, I still wonder. Why? What changed? But I know the answer to that one.
Never tell a girl she's perfect. Never put her on a pedestal. Because one day, you will realize she's not perfect. You'll pull the pedestal out from under her. She will come crashing down. You'll be mad at her for not being who you thought. She will blame herself for not being good enough. And any kind relationship you ever wanted to have with each other will be doomed from there on out.
That's what changed between us. He finally realized I wasn't perfect. He decided my flaws were worse than his own, that I hurt him more than he ever hurt me, which is funny, because that's all he ever seemed to do, where as weeks before he left, he said I was the only good thing in his life. He decided he couldn't deal with it anymore. What I don't understand is why her? After everything, why her, why now, why go back on everything you said over the past two years? That's how I know I can do better. And I will. That's why I'm Ok. Because you're not worth it. No matter how many questions I ask myself, and how few answers I get, that will always remain to be true.