Separation

It will be nice dating someone who had an entire life before me. Someone who is completely new and unfamiliar to me. I want to have separate lives, and our own space, and to find common ground. I want to find the balance between my life and his, and how things all fit together. I want to have a fresh start with a stranger, someone I can watch bond with my sisters, and hopefully will have their own siblings for me to bond with. I want our families to welcome each other with open arms and for everyone to get along. I want a nice guy with good morals and a strong future, someone who will treat me right, in all the right ways, but still give me the fight I need. I want the fun and playful nights that don't have to end early because he has to get up for work at 4am. There is so much I want. The sad part is, it is impossible for me to have right now. I'm changing, I'm growing, and I can't drag someone through it with me. Who they want either isn't who I am, or wouldn't be me at the end of it all. But that's ok. I'm still only 19 years old. I'm just fine on my own for now. Maybe in the next year or two I'll find someone. It still probably won't be THE someone, but it will be another step in the right direction. Every day I learn more about love, life, and myself. I'm in the middle of some very big life choices, and a lot of good things will be happening for me in the next year as long as I stay on track. That is my focus for right now. My career, and future plans. Hopefully by my 20th birthday, I will be a licensed bartender with my very own car, probably working two jobs for the summer, hopefully one at the Webster, doing something music related. By the start of senior year, I hope to have my own apartment, living on my own. I've put a lot of thought into it, and as much as I don't want to live alone, it is probably the best thing to do. While it will mean paying for everything myself, it will also mean not relying on other people for anything. And I can make all the decisions on where to live and such by myself. I have big plans, big goals. As much as I want a guy by my side to help me along, I'm better off doing it alone.