Goal #2: Reflection

Ok, so this goal didn't go so well. It didn't go well at all. And I'm very happy it didn't. I woke up friday morning and pretty much caved right away. I looked at Ryan's Tumblr page and I'm glad I did. He had posted some "woe is me" bull shit all about how his life is so hard and all he does is fuck up and hurt the people he cares about and blah blah blah. Obviously, I lost it. I sent him a raging message on Facebook saying to stop throwing himself a damn pity party when HE dumped ME and has no right to be saying shit like that and feeling bad for himself and all this other shit. He messaged me back saying sorry he angered me and it wouldn't happen again. So I messaged him again and we went back and forth for a while and basically I ended up telling him to pull his head out of his ass and realize he still has friends that want to hear from him but if he keeps doing this shit we're all gonna walk away and he really will have no one. Well, that got his attention. So much so that when I mentioned having a fire later that night and that he could come, he actually did show up. And we talked all night. About everything. Why things ended, what's going on with both of us, what the future holds, everything. And right now, we're friends. And for now, that's all we can be. With my dad's cancer and not knowing what's going to happen, I can't make any sort of commitment right now. Plus not being able to trust Ryan's word on anything. And he knows how bad he fucked up. There's a good chance that I'll never get back with him. But at the same time, I really want to. But first things first, he needs to change. He needs to prove to me that this won't happen again. That he won't keep things bottled up everything, and that he'll actually start fighting for me and stuff like that. So we're just friends for now. But if I do decide that I want more than that, I have some ideas on how to proceed. But only after he proves he can handle it.