[me]

im a chick whos entire life revolved around music. i played cello from 1st to 5th grade, and have been playing bass since. i started playing electric bass in 6th and guitar in 8th. ive played in 2 international music festivals in germany, and this year i made the all state orchestra. my hope is to one day become a professional musician and not go to college. i just want to play my music and that be it. but no matter what, music will always be in my life. im always listening to something, i just cant get enough. im hard to figure out, my best friend calls me a 500 piece jig saw puzzle. he can get the edges but not the middle. the thing is, i cant even get myself. my mind has been through alot, but not as much as some. ive come along way and im always changing, which makes things harder for me and those around me. im one in a few in many ways, im really different from other girls my age. im not as easy to read and i guess i hide behind a mask. im a hopeless romantic and i swear it will be the death of me one day. because right now, ive got strong feelings for said best friend. what makes it worse is that he feels the same. this was said last night. to top it all off, 2 weeks ago i got him with a friend of ours. he told me a week ago that he wanted to break up with her. i guess i know why. i feel horrible because i feel like hes cheating on her with me because of the way we talk when no one else is around because no one else knows other than my sister. she things i just ruined everything. maybe shes right, but he doesnt seem to think so. the craziest thing is that we all just met each other this year, and didnt become friends till around the holidays. how can he already be my best friend? all my old friends have ditched me, and i had no one. ive talked to him constantly for the past 4 weeks now and we're both really close. its amazing, but its also probably the reason for the feelings. i have no idea what our next move will be or should be, but i know it wont be for the next 4 months. i made a promise to myself back in august that i wouldnt get another boyfriend till the end of the school year, when i turn 16 and thats what i plan to do, and he understands that, so we have plenty of time to sort this out. so if i had to put me and my current life in a nutshell, that would be it.