[alone]

Ryan is in to hugging me from behind. This morning i was leaving the snake room to to go Capt but ryan grabbed me from behind and gave me a hug that way and wouldnt let me go. i ditched first block, which was strings with bard today. for a while it was just me and ryan in the snake room, just the 2 of us. it was nice. he gave me another hug from behind. he gave me a big huge hug and picked me up too. he doesnt believe me but i really do like his hugs. i feel bad though, cause when amandas not around, we're flirting, and when she is, we dont really know what to say to each other. this situation is hard, and is making me think about him a little differently. but you know what, oh well, im not gonna let it bother me. i know what we're doing is wrong, even tho physically all we're doing is hugging, but i really dont care. we're not exactly romantically involved, but he has gotten me thinking about the 4 months i have left. what if i decide to break it again? but like, secretly? nope, cant do that, because i did it for me and i want to prove it to myself that i can do it. or at the very least till the end of this quarter. i may be getting high honors. i have an A+ in chem, A+ in strings of course, A in lifeguarding, A- in english, B- in french, B in modern global, and a B in algebra. 4 A's vs. 3 B's? not bad! best grades ive had since 8th grade. all i have to do now is keep them up. if i pull off high honors, im getting something out of it. whether it be that corn snake, or being allowed to spend the night at ryans camper over the summer, or idk yet, OROROR!!! letting my friends camp out in the back yard for my 16th birthday this summer!!! erins probably gonna have her friends sleep over, so why cant i right? idk, ill figure something out. i wish ryan would be done with his car and txt me back already...