[Real]

This is how I know it's real. I can't stop. Thinking about him, kissing him, wanting to see him. But it never gets painful. I find pleasure in the small things I get from him. This is how relationships should be. There's no pressure, no requirements, no nothing. It's not about how often I get to see him, or for how long. It's not weather we're alone or with other people. It's being with him at all. It's putting aside the differences, and loving that person with their flaws. That's what a real relationship is. It's not needing them to be happy. It's wanting them because they make you happy. It's not needing to tell or show the world. It's knowing what's there, and being able to reserve it for you and that other person. It's not being afraid of what that person thinks. It's about doing what will make you both happy, not just one of you. It's about showing you care, but not feeling pressured. It's not having to go to extremes to show affection. It's enjoying small, short, sweet moments for long periods of time. It's about giving support when life gets rough. It's about showing your vulnerable side and allowing that person to help. It's about trusting another human being with your everything, and taking care of someone else's everything. Real relationships are a lot of things. Abused is one of them. Hard to come by is another. People think they have what's real, when in reality, its all the honeymoon stage, and sooner or later, that relationship will fall apart because they don't know what's important. I can't be sure if what I have is real quite yet, since it's only been a week. It feels a lot longer than that thought. Life is pretty crappy right now, and I'm losing a lot. But knowing I have him there no matter what is what gets me through the day. I still have him, and a few other friends even if the rest are ditching me for the stupidest reasons. Hiding what's here would be pointless and painful, even though there's a seven year age difference, but mentally, him and I are only exact same page. I'm too mature for where I am, and I'm lucky I've found a person like him who understands everything I go through, and agrees with everything I say because it's what he thinks, not because he wants to be on my good side. He makes he happy. I don't miss him much when I don't see him all week, because I don't need to. I'm stable, he's stable. We're both happy, and we talk all the time. Seeing him every day would wear out his welcome, so these weekly visits keep things interesting.

[Obsession]

Friday was great with Alex. I absolutely love hanging out with him. After recording and rehearsing a bit, me, Ashley and Amanda sat on the floor of the practice room together. What did Alex do? He squeezed himself between me and Ashley just so he could sit next to me. I got 2 hugs that night. And they were long hugs. After we dropped Amanda off on the way to my house, we had a talk about my current band situation. He's great to talk to. About everything. So many hits have been dropped lately, and we just keep getting closer and closer. I really can't wait till Friday. It's just going to be me and him at the studio unless someone else comes by. Ashley and Amanda are going to stay away since the date on the 20th got canceled, but who knows about Adam, Zac, Ryan or Jesse. They have their own personal schedules that I don't follow.

Alex, Alex, Alex. That's all I can think about. He's everywhere. I want to say it's real, but It's way too soon for that. It's just that, he's perfect, and i can't help but wonder if this is for real or if it's just another teenage romance. I can't let myself believe it's real this early. I can't let myself get that attached. We haven't even talked about it yet.

[M.A.G.]

Alex pretty much called sunday a date yesterday. He also pretty much asked me out on a second date yesterday. He's trying to find reasons to give me hugs now too. Things with him just keep getting better. I love it. He said he wants to get his mom to feed mi in return for all the times he's eaten at my house. Now I have to have dinner at his house, maybe I'm reading way too far into this, but this is HUGE. I feel like such a girl for freaking about this, but I can't help it if he makes me happy. He raves about my maturity level. I love talking to him. I ca have a serious, deep conversation about something that matters with him. The fact that he's 7 years older doesn't matter when we really talk, or maybe it's the fact that I'm 7 years younger since I act more his age than he does mine.

I think we were taking about running away to Australia together the other day. We agreed that it's easier to get noticed outside of the U.S. so maybe one day we can run away to Australia or Europe.

Who knows if Alex is my "soul mate" or whatever, but he is definitely someone I want to keep with me for the rest of my life, especially in my music.