[forgotten]

ryans in stafford this weekend for the first time in over a month. ashleys been texting him, and i guess hes with his grandmother. apparently, his grandmother texted ashley from his phone inviting him to his birthday party on october second. im feeling so fucking left out today, so fucking alone, i wanna scream, and cry at the same time. all day ive been feeling like im just not good enough for guys in general. like ill never be what they want me to be, what they're looking for. and that just made it so much worse. ryan didnt even tell me he was having a party. im just not good enough and i never will be. im a pathetic loser who drives people away because im so different. im not what guys like, and i never will be. i love myself, and i refuse to change, but i hate what ive done, and wish i actually meant something.