[depression]

i was in a depression all day. all i could think about was my friends, alot about ryan, alot about anthony. i had a weak moment. i really want a boyfriend, but as far as i can tell, theres no one out there for me right now. i feel like ryan wasnt the good friend i thought he was, that nor is amanda. i really dont know. but my head sucks right now. it sucks so much, i was so desperate today, i asked anthony to hang out after snake room tomorrow. in all honesty, im happy i asked him. he was the only one who ever really understood me, and i want that connection back, despite what anyone says or thinks. ill be friends with whoever i want to be friends with. im gonna start this new thing. im not gonna talk about my problems to people. im not gonna feel sorry for myself. taking life as it comes. not sure how well this will work, or how long i can manage, or if its even possible, but im gonna try.