Best friends

I went out to dinner with my mom tonight. We had a nice time and talked about a ton of important stuff. As we were getting ready to leave, one oh my oldest friends called me telling me he was having a bon fire and that I should come by. I said I might and then he added that my best friend from elementary school was coming too. We hadn't been close since back then and hadn't seen or heard from each other since high school ended over 5 years ago. But that was all I needed to know. I was going. I was excited. I was more than excited. Maybe because our friendship took place at a time in my life when I was still innocent, it was one of the very few things left in my memories that hadn't been tainted by someone or something. Its still pure. And she is one of two people from my past that I can think of off the top of my head that hasn't hurt me. And so I went tonight. And it was great. I want to hang out with get again. I want to be friends again. Because this made me so happy. She has always been surrounded by such a positive energy. Can friendships that drifted apart so long ago be revived?

Victim VS Survivor

Everyone had a past, everyone has scars, everyone have stories that made them who they are. Some of us have baggage that will mean a life long struggle and some of us have learned to declutter our lives and leave that baggage behind.
Because I WAS a victim. For most of my life I was abused. In multiple ways by multiple people in multiple degrees. I didn't live through the worst case scenario but that doesn't make my past any less real. I felt what I felt, it was what it was and I'm at peace with the damage that was done. That's where you have failed. You claim I always play the victim yet I'm the one that identifies toxic behaviors and relationships and rids myself of them. I save myself from more damage. You wallow in it.
You beg the world for sympathy by putting on a false facade and parading around claiming to be strong and unscathed while putting others down. You find faults in others happiness. You try to maintain control out of fear. And the second someone calls you on your shit you try to break them. You are damaged, you are a victim, you have not yet become a survivor. Let it go.

Live With Meaning.

Beautiful things are happening, I feel them. My mind has begun to open and let the light in. The toxins have begun to wash away and I can breathe again. I can feel happy more than the pain and my mind is moving a mile a minute. I feel delicate and scared, this in between state is so very fragile. Tears are fighting their way out in the best way possible but I'm sleeping at night and that's a wonderful thing. I have a home, I have a love and both are far more than I expected to have so soon.