Addicted to Poison

Do you know how it feels to be so madly in love with poison? To be so madly in love with the one thing that makes you feel both alive and as though you're dying at the same time? Time and time again, you have blown me to bits and walked away as if I never mattered. And time and time again, I pulled myself back together and kept on loving you regardless of the pain. I'm in love with something so unhealthy, and that has been my entire life. But I don't want that to change. I need it to change, but I don't want it to change. I want to love you. I want to be the one thing in your life that has never left. I have done everything, given you everything, and yet nothing has changed. That's why we can't be together. Not because you've hurt me too much for me to love you. Not because I don't want to. But because I've learned some sort of self preservation. Being together won't work because nothing has changed. You will never stop pushing me away. You will never let me help you. You will only keep hurting me because in your eyes I can do better. And I know I can. I can do much better than you. But I never wanted to. But I'm trying. I'm trying because you haven't given me a choice. And now you're in pain because you regret what you've done once again. And maybe giving you distance or disappearing from your life all together would be better for you. But I don't care what's better for you because it's not what I want. You have put yourself first for so long and now I don't care about your feelings, only my own. I want you here, with me, always. One way or another, I want you as a key part of my life because you are my person. No matter how much pain you put me in, that won't change.