[Lightweight]

I've found a sense of weightlessness. I float through the day with only one goal: survive. I have 13 days of classes left in high school. Then two exams, and graduation a week later. I have straight A's for the first time ever, and drama is still trying to eat me alive. Yet I still feel that sense of weightlessness. I haven't been lucky, I don't believe in luck. I've just been due for some good after a year of bad. Parents separating, losing all my friends, including the guy I've been in love with for 2 years, lost my band, got into a relationship with a guy 7 years older than me and stuck with it out of fear of losing the band. But through it all, I've learned a lot. I've learned how to trust. I've learned how to stay strong. I've learned to do the right thing even when it ends up making me alone. But most importantly, I've learned how to be honest with myself. I've been in denial about a lot of things. I've always tried to hide certain things, act like they're not there, and just keep doing what I think I'm supposed to do. Because of everything I went through, I had nothing left to lose by the end of it all. I had a boyfriend I didn't want, a band that wouldn't go anywhere (but I was in denial about it), and no friends with a broken family. I was a basket case emotionally and it drove me to therapy. One day I had a weak moment. I sent an email to the guy I love, the one who I had lost via high school drama. I sent him this message asking what happened, what was different, and all that. I told him I had had the shit kicked out of me, I was miserable, and I had nothing left to lose, so I wouldn't hold back. I said I missed him. I missed my best friend and the guy who was always there for me. I said a lot in that message, and it felt damn good. It was the most open I've ever been. Because it was 100% the truth. And now nearly 4 months later, I couldn't be much happier with myself. I am now with this guy, the guy I love, and I know for a fact I'm in love with him, because even all the things I get mad at him for, or the things I don't like, when I think about all of him, I smile, I get butterflies. There isn't a single thing I would change about him, for any reason. He's my best friend, and the love of my life, and I've cried over him because he makes me so happy. My parents are stable too. My dad had cancer, and went through radiation, and now he's good, my mom's good, just still her crazy self. But my favorite part of it all is high school is over in a month. My 'friends' lie to me all the time, and I don't know who to actually care about, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. In a few months, I'll be in a new place with new people and I won't ever look back. This weightlessness takes over, and I float through the days, knowing I'll survive. I'm in the best state I've ever been, and I feel as though I'll never fall back into that dark place as long as I have him by my side every step of the way.